"Mom I don't like anything you cook."

Kids can be total jerks. Don't get me wrong, little pajama is my main squeeze, but man does he ever drive me crazy. I mean this is normal he's 4.. right this is normal?
The thing is for last 6... 8 I don't even know how many weeks its been and him on Sundays. Which is great I love to have my Mommy and PJ time. Its also really hard. We have a third person living with us now, little pajamas soccer games were so expertly times that nothing was getting done around the house on Saturday's. Which hello you have Sunday and evenings to clean your house just relax on Saturday. Which is unfortumately what was happening, that and life is BUSY. I never realized how busy little lives are until I had my little PJ even from an early age. And of course it means that we get to spend time doing all of the wonderful things from my childhood that I love and miss. Pumpkin patch of course! (Good bye entire last Sunday (guess whose house didn't get cleaned!)) Weddings to go to. Life to live you know.

Thats the thing though through all that life that was being done living, I had managed to get a nice home cooked meal on my table for my family, every Sunday night. Now I'm not religious, so Sunday has nothing to do with that, but there's something cathartic about spending a few hours putting in real effort to make your family a nice meal. Better than the weeknight meals that get sloppily thrown together, but are still none the less home made if not to a lesser degree.

Little PJ is SMALL. He is almost 5 and I think he clocks in around 34lbs right now, hes all muscle and bone. He's healthy but after nearly 12 months of nutritionist visits and monthly weigh ins when he was younger it is ingrained my brain that is (almost) never a bad thing if this kid is recieving calories. And striving to be a good mother means I want to feed that kid, I want him to grow and catch up and be where he needs to be. Its not always as simple as all of that, (This largely played into why PJ was breast fed until he was 2.5 but that's another topic.) I learned how to calorie load my child and make sure that he gets the nutrition he needs. lots of dairy and as much protein as I can get in him. (I know my kid is not the only nearly vegetarian child out there. Kids don't like to eat meat because it is so hard to chew. yada yada yada pediatric nutritionist wisdom. this was how I originally learned to not beat myself up over it when he doesnt eat every single thing I cook.

Last nights Sunday night dinner took a turn for the miserable.  It was simple, I had made chicken on saturday inbetween my much needed neglected cleaning from the previous week. I made chicken stock and picked the bones, and made gravy all for the sake of Sunday night dinner. Chicken and dumplings. They were delicious. Can you think of a more kid friendly meal? He loves my chicken (usually) and it was delicious and flavorful soup. The dumplings were fluffy and soft and just the right amount of doughy. Honestly its a faily simple not surprising meal.

He said my dumplings looked like poop. And he said he no longer likes my cooking. It was worse than getting shot in the heart. We had guests. I lost it a reasonable amount but my anger was nothing compared to how heart broken it made me. (Which is probably somewhat guilty for the night that followed after he went to bed, Hello mommy's little helper #OneBadMother ).

Yet like the never giving up Mom that I am on a quest to have a healthy kid, who is open to eating things, I made dinner again tonight. Monday, it was boring and he ate some of it. Its frusterating. I guess the difference lies somewhere in this... When I cook a meal I dont expect him to like my feelings arent hurt. So why do I let myself get so badly bummed over a meal he should like but then doesnt eat.

Just for the record, I did make him Annie's microwave mac and cheese last night so he didnt starve (Thanks Annies) but it hurt no less. This is really just more thing on the pile. Moms out there, your doing a good job, if you know a Mom, make sure she knows it. If you know a parent make sure they know they are doing a good job. Were all trying, and when it really comes down to it all we really need is a little outside confirmation that people see that we are trying, that our efforts are recognized, that it isnt all for nothing.

And, now I need to go roll out green cookie dough so that tomorrow we can decorate zombie cookies. This is life, he is four, I do not blame him, but it makes it no less difficult sometimes.

So to myself I silently remind myself, that I am doing a good job. And if I'm not every given second, that is okay, because the fact that I am trying, and doing my best, means, I am doing a good job.

The Big Adjustment

Well this one has been coming. And is a good 3 weeks over due. I apologize it really has been an adjustment for everyone.

Recently (the last day of March) I got to make a big change in not only my life, but for the wearer of little pajamas as well (lately its been little bat man pajamas). After searching for close to a year for full time employment, I finally got a job. The awesome adult kind with regualr hours, a 401k and benefits. I suppose many Mom's have these things long before becoming a Mom, and many leave them behind to be a Mom. I applaud those women, also where does your husband work and will they hire mine (well okay so he's not my husband)?

I got to enjoy 4 years of most of my days being with him. I went to school for about 3.5 of those years, and I got to do some contract work from home, but it wasn't paying the bills. I've been pretty anxious to establish financial stability for me and the little man since day one, but I knew it was only ever going to be possible with a degree. I sacrificed the degree I wanted for the degree that made sense. The one that allowed me to move home, for us to have the support and shelter of his grandparents, and even more importantly that I would finish quickly and become employable. Don't get me wrong I think about going back, but after 6 years of higher education that only accumulated into a AAS and a certificate, I'm a bit burnt out. Not to mention the loans.

Ahh the bills, as far as adjustments go that one has been easy to make. Money is going into his college fund, paying off my loans, and being spent on fun things left and right, all while still managing to save up to be able to move out. Me and my boys! I really am impatient and terrified by the prospect, but I know its exciting. I know little pajama is too. (Were still warming up to the D word, but its been uttered a few times.)

The adjustment from essentially being a student mom to a work from home mom was fantastic. While being a student he did go to day care, which I dont regret, and I expect any future children will go a few days a week as well. The real point is I use to get to be home with him MOST of the time. Now for 45 hours a week plus commute time I am not with him, and leaves us little weekday time for all the things we love to do.

I miss him and I am missing out on a lot, but the fact remains, there is a huge stress taken out of my life by having a good stable, living wage income. I am lucky enough to work for a big, yet very family oriented company, and a small department within it so I am able to run off for long lunches for Pre school functions and things of that nature when the occasion arises. Over all though I am on the cusp of thriving as a well adjusted, fairly successful young adult and single Mom. Mind you this is largely my perception of the situation versus what my own situation was, but I am proud of where I have gotten and I know its the best thing for me and the little man even if it means less time for us.

Its been harder on him. Schedules are different, he gets drug around more by grandma and grandpa. He is picked up and dropped off now by Grandma at preschool. I miss knowing whats going on, but he does like to tell me. He rarely naps now, I miss napping with him, in our chair. The most relaxing thing in the world is to have a sleeping child curled in your lap. (Its also a good excuse to take a nap your self or read a book).

I guess most importantly though the real point is we are adjusting. Mommy is a bit more tired, and cranky, but he wakes up shortly after me most mornings. I hear him sit at the top of the stairs babbling to the cat until I open the door and take him back down stairs. This means he gets to watch Curious George on a regular basis (This wasn't a part of the morning line up previously because it was ending as we got down stairs.) Despite me being uttlerly exhausted (Its gotten a little better) were doing okay. I miss the time with him, but luckily he is getting to spend this time with his Granparents before we move out.

The part of my day though usually goes like this as I get home "So, how was work?" his sweet little voice meets my ears, and I tell him about what I did, and ask about pre school. I' mfinding that this adjustment like with many others is all about finding a balance, and making sure the time we do get to spend together is of the best quality. I know were both still getting use to things, but we've both come a long way in the last two months, and I know things will get even better. I am lucky to have such a well adjusted kid, who can handle change even better than I give him credit for

This gem is from Memorial day, making the best out of our three day weekend, even though we were stuck in the car part of the afternoon. Sometime I will have to write about Tiger. Yes that's its name.