Did you see the blog post, your thirty something mom friends shared to facebook this week? Isn't it cute that they think they are only going to miss out on a decade of "being themselves"? Or maybe that's privilege they get for having had three decades to get to know themselves before seemingly giving up who they are to become a mom.
I read this post, despite the title. I thought surely this will apply to me too, most similar blog posts done make me feel like shit or make me want to scream (sure at myself). The other twenty-something mom's out there know what I'm talking about.
The Mom uses a pool reference, she talks about all the thirty somethings in the kiddie pool with their kids, while the shiny unknowing 20 somethings read magazines and sip on cool beverages without a care in the world.... To the 20 something moms who may have been mixed in with that crowd I SEE YOU your the one checking your phone not for Instagram, but to make sure you can make it pick your kid from Grandma's on time, and trying to enjoy your last thirty minutes with your friends in between the two jobs your working or the billion college classes to have a little you time. I SEE YOU I know that you don't get the privilege of self care and that you've chosen to spend that time with the friends who you rarely see, and even more rarely see without having to bring your kid.
Don't worry twenty-something mom who brought her kid to the pool with her. I SEE YOU too, you'r there with the thirty something moms. Your hyper focused on your kid because its much easier to be focused on your kid than being the odd mom out. The thirty something moms, don't see you. I see the way you ache in jealousy of them as they talk about their husbands, and their mortgage payments, and compare their $600 strollers that neither will admit doesn't make their life better. I see the way you hurt as you wonder if having a child so young will have harmed him, as you wonder if you'll be able to give your child the life they deserve, because so much of yourself still has to focus on the little day to day. The thirty something moms talk around you, and your kid plays with their kids not knowing whats going on, the moms they assume your in the same boat as them.
To the twenty something mom who works on home work while her infant nurses, rather than read a book or watch netflix I SEE YOU. (It really is amazing how we figure out that our child will fit between us and lap top to write a paper and how long our arms really are)
To the twenty something single mom who gets dresses up for a date on a Friday night and has to battle with herself about if its worth it to give up the three hours with her kid for a chance at a "real family". I SEE YOU. I also see your toddler who sits at your sink and "helps" you get ready, the Thirty Something Moms toddlers are down stairs with Dad watching TV while their moms get ready.
To the twenty-something Mom who is the only parent at pre-school with one kid, I SEE YOU. I know that you made the decision to space your kids farther out so you could "get your life together" before having another. I SEE YOU, I AM YOU.
By the time I am a thirty something Mom, I will have a child turn 10 years old. My supposed decade will be up. Yes I will also be a thirty something Mom with a pre school aged child. Two sides of the same coin.
Here is what I will never know, I won't know whats its like to spend my twenty's saying "I'll never be that Mom". I'll never know what its like to be turning 21 inside a bar. I won't know what its like to take a vacation with my girl friends.There is a lot that I won't know about what its like to be twenty something and unattached.
Here is what I do know, my first child will finish high school before I am one of the Forty-Something moms.
Occasionally I am asked why my husband and I didn't wait to get pregnant. *pokes 26 week pregnant belly* and I am amused. I didn't get the luxury of getting know my husband outside of the context of school friend, and straight from there to "will he make a good father" I didn't get the luxury of dating a guy for 10 months before learning he didn't want kids. HE never got to know me outside of the context of me being Mom, even at school that doesn't go away. So I tell them, "We dont get to just get to know each other until all of our kids are grown and out the house." ... We then have to hope they don't come back like I did.
I suppose what I'm trying to say, is parenting is hard! It doesn't only last a decade and if you are a thirty something mom who read that blog post and went oh good I get to have my life back soon, your wrong. Little Pajama will always be the most important thing I've ever done in my life, and the thought of that ending after a decade (or even two!) is absolutely heart breaking.
Let's all try and be a little more inclusive in our parenting. Twenty Something Moms I meet when I am a Thirty Something Mom, I promise to try and ask you how you are, I promise to never judge you or not understand what your going through. I promise to see you, and talk to you, because I know how isolated you are. You've got this. I promise and just remember, your kids will be out the house before the thrity something moms kids will be!
