The Pumping Chronicles #4

"My success as a mother is not measured in ounces." ... Work Pump Repeat taught me that little mantra. And boy oh boy is it helpful....

I hate wasting a $0.25 bag (aka the good ones my mom who watches baby pajamas can hook the nipple to) on 3 ounces of milk. ...3 measly ounces. Sometimes I wonder if its worth the stress and pain. But then I repeat the mantra and I remind myself that to have supply you must have demand. If that's not true with breast feeding its not true with anything.

Sigh I need a beer. And some oat meal... (To increase my supply duh...and cause beer)

The Pumping Chronicles #3

I just want to rant (okay maybe rage for a second). About breastfeeding. ... I'm going to admit it, I LOVE breastfeeding my kids (right now its just the baby obviously so chill). I LOVE that I am able to breastfeed my baby. I LOVE that baby pajamas has never had even an ounce of formula. And want to know something else? I'm fucking PROUD of myself for being able to stick through the hard work.

Let me let you in on a little secret, breastfeeding isnt easy. Its also not for everyone and I totally understand that, I also totally understand that milk dries up early, and shit happens that may have ryined your plans to breastfeed. I recognize that it's shitty and that it was probably really sad for you.... So here comes a fucking truth bomb...

When little pajamas was a baby it was all "BREAST IS BEST!" All the time. Now I have baby pajamas, and whole breastfeeding is still considered the best, suddenly I have to tread lightly when talking about that success, because that rhetoric is so strong that people feel bad about using formula... Can we all please stop fucking shaming each other for our damn parenting choices??? I want to be able to celebrate my breastfeeding success and talk about my breastfeeding goals without feeling like when I post a picture of my freezer stash I may be hurting my friends, if it does hurt you, let me know! Ill probably offer you some to give your baby.

I'm not trying to be insensitive, but there has been so much pride lately for formula feedinf mothers, and that's awesome. However of your breast feeding, or pumping, or exclusively pumping GOOD FOR YOU. Its amazing that we can give this gift to our babies isnt it? Itsnt it great to not have to buy formula? Isnt it convenient to not have to bring bottles with us everywhere unless we choose to? Be proud of yourself and your baby no matter what you are feeding it. You are all doing a good job!!

And hey just incase you care ( I want you to care!) I am about half way to my goal with baby pajamas. He's 9 months and id love to make it to 18!

The Pumping Chronicles #1

I am pumping right now. Isn't modern medicine pretty amazing. I get to work full time and have an infant. Yay America... Obviously I'm joking. I have several draft posts from the last 7.5 months of being a mom of two, and I just havent had the where with all to finish them.

This week at work I had an opportunity for some training that can really advance my career so of course I took it. Only problem, up until last week I had been pumping 3 times a day still. I am so relieved I have had success pumping with baby pajamas, since it didnt happen at all with little pajamas. Daddy Pajamas has been instrumental to our success breastfeeding with this second baby.

But I cant help but think about how much of my time I'm spending attached to my pump and not my baby. I love that I can provide for him and it saves us money, but what benefits are we losing out on from not actual breast feeding all the time?

I have to go to much greater lenghts to keep my supply up. I constantly worry about it and it means letting him eat as much as he wants all night long. ... Long story short now that baby pajamas is eating more solids I'm finally decreasing down to twice a day. And this week I'm only getting in once a day. Its hard, and I just keep reminding myself he's worth it and wete saving so much money on formula.

Pump, I both love and hate you.

Lies Whines and More Lies

Being a Mom is hard. I can not stress this enough. Nor can I stress how much I love it enough either. These things make it exhausting as all get out however as well. Its been a while since I posted, and it had been a while since the post before that one too...

So if you don't know, I'm not only being Mom, and a full time employee, I'm also planning a wedding now. None of these things are all that easy on their own let alone combined. Inbetween the bigger conundrums like "Do I want to have a different last name than my child?" (No.) There are slightly smaller conundrums likes "Does this wedding invitation come in silver?" (UGH to many options out there!) Needless to say I'm exhausted, so is Daddy Pajamas so is Little Pajamas.

On top of all that crazy we have kindergarten starting in about a month. HOLY CRAP HOW DID THAT HAPPEN??? I'm so excited for him, but I'm also terrified of the wrath of a child who goes to school 6 hours a day 5 days a week. He is cranky. Part of his cranky I know is absorbed from my cranky. (My middle name should seriously be Cranky Pants I don't know how they put up with me.) He also is probably slightly starved for attention right now, as many of my evenings are spent on Etsy looking at wedding stuff, or pintrest getting ideas. (Have you ever been caught in a pintrest vortex its intense!) Whining is at an all time maximum right now and Daddy Pajamas and I are getting really tired of it.

We will hit strides like yay he's not whining this week. Then the next week he's whining about something else. A lot of it I'm sure is him testing him limits starting to find out what we will, and will not let him get away with. It's exhausting, but we are handling the whining.

The last few weeks a new, rather unpleasant phase has popped up. One that was unexpected and I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding but its lying. Every other thing he says is a lie, a blatant of course that's not true lie. We've explained lying and why this isn't ok, they've gotten minorly better since then, Were sticking with it and doing our best to stay calm make sure he understands that we know hes not being honest without making him be in trouble. "Its a phase Its a phase Its a phase" (Hopefully I will be able to retire this mantra someday!)
We do know that this is normal phase and that before know it like so many other phases it will pass. If you have any tips for dealing with it I'd be happy to have them,

Hopefully all of the behavior issues we've faced since January, will start to calm down once we get through the wedding. I'm trying and I know that's the important thing, and as long as I'm trying I guess I will just accept that I am going to exist on coffee for the next 6 months. I do love him and I know its not easy on him. I will continue to remind myself of this, but in the mean time if he ran out of tears, my feelings wouldn't be hurt.

The Big Adjustment

Well this one has been coming. And is a good 3 weeks over due. I apologize it really has been an adjustment for everyone.

Recently (the last day of March) I got to make a big change in not only my life, but for the wearer of little pajamas as well (lately its been little bat man pajamas). After searching for close to a year for full time employment, I finally got a job. The awesome adult kind with regualr hours, a 401k and benefits. I suppose many Mom's have these things long before becoming a Mom, and many leave them behind to be a Mom. I applaud those women, also where does your husband work and will they hire mine (well okay so he's not my husband)?

I got to enjoy 4 years of most of my days being with him. I went to school for about 3.5 of those years, and I got to do some contract work from home, but it wasn't paying the bills. I've been pretty anxious to establish financial stability for me and the little man since day one, but I knew it was only ever going to be possible with a degree. I sacrificed the degree I wanted for the degree that made sense. The one that allowed me to move home, for us to have the support and shelter of his grandparents, and even more importantly that I would finish quickly and become employable. Don't get me wrong I think about going back, but after 6 years of higher education that only accumulated into a AAS and a certificate, I'm a bit burnt out. Not to mention the loans.

Ahh the bills, as far as adjustments go that one has been easy to make. Money is going into his college fund, paying off my loans, and being spent on fun things left and right, all while still managing to save up to be able to move out. Me and my boys! I really am impatient and terrified by the prospect, but I know its exciting. I know little pajama is too. (Were still warming up to the D word, but its been uttered a few times.)

The adjustment from essentially being a student mom to a work from home mom was fantastic. While being a student he did go to day care, which I dont regret, and I expect any future children will go a few days a week as well. The real point is I use to get to be home with him MOST of the time. Now for 45 hours a week plus commute time I am not with him, and leaves us little weekday time for all the things we love to do.

I miss him and I am missing out on a lot, but the fact remains, there is a huge stress taken out of my life by having a good stable, living wage income. I am lucky enough to work for a big, yet very family oriented company, and a small department within it so I am able to run off for long lunches for Pre school functions and things of that nature when the occasion arises. Over all though I am on the cusp of thriving as a well adjusted, fairly successful young adult and single Mom. Mind you this is largely my perception of the situation versus what my own situation was, but I am proud of where I have gotten and I know its the best thing for me and the little man even if it means less time for us.

Its been harder on him. Schedules are different, he gets drug around more by grandma and grandpa. He is picked up and dropped off now by Grandma at preschool. I miss knowing whats going on, but he does like to tell me. He rarely naps now, I miss napping with him, in our chair. The most relaxing thing in the world is to have a sleeping child curled in your lap. (Its also a good excuse to take a nap your self or read a book).

I guess most importantly though the real point is we are adjusting. Mommy is a bit more tired, and cranky, but he wakes up shortly after me most mornings. I hear him sit at the top of the stairs babbling to the cat until I open the door and take him back down stairs. This means he gets to watch Curious George on a regular basis (This wasn't a part of the morning line up previously because it was ending as we got down stairs.) Despite me being uttlerly exhausted (Its gotten a little better) were doing okay. I miss the time with him, but luckily he is getting to spend this time with his Granparents before we move out.

The part of my day though usually goes like this as I get home "So, how was work?" his sweet little voice meets my ears, and I tell him about what I did, and ask about pre school. I' mfinding that this adjustment like with many others is all about finding a balance, and making sure the time we do get to spend together is of the best quality. I know were both still getting use to things, but we've both come a long way in the last two months, and I know things will get even better. I am lucky to have such a well adjusted kid, who can handle change even better than I give him credit for

This gem is from Memorial day, making the best out of our three day weekend, even though we were stuck in the car part of the afternoon. Sometime I will have to write about Tiger. Yes that's its name.