Kids can be total jerks. Don't get me wrong, little pajama is my main squeeze, but man does he ever drive me crazy. I mean this is normal he's 4.. right this is normal?
The thing is for last 6... 8 I don't even know how many weeks its been and him on Sundays. Which is great I love to have my Mommy and PJ time. Its also really hard. We have a third person living with us now, little pajamas soccer games were so expertly times that nothing was getting done around the house on Saturday's. Which hello you have Sunday and evenings to clean your house just relax on Saturday. Which is unfortumately what was happening, that and life is BUSY. I never realized how busy little lives are until I had my little PJ even from an early age. And of course it means that we get to spend time doing all of the wonderful things from my childhood that I love and miss. Pumpkin patch of course! (Good bye entire last Sunday (guess whose house didn't get cleaned!)) Weddings to go to. Life to live you know.
Thats the thing though through all that life that was being done living, I had managed to get a nice home cooked meal on my table for my family, every Sunday night. Now I'm not religious, so Sunday has nothing to do with that, but there's something cathartic about spending a few hours putting in real effort to make your family a nice meal. Better than the weeknight meals that get sloppily thrown together, but are still none the less home made if not to a lesser degree.
Little PJ is SMALL. He is almost 5 and I think he clocks in around 34lbs right now, hes all muscle and bone. He's healthy but after nearly 12 months of nutritionist visits and monthly weigh ins when he was younger it is ingrained my brain that is (almost) never a bad thing if this kid is recieving calories. And striving to be a good mother means I want to feed that kid, I want him to grow and catch up and be where he needs to be. Its not always as simple as all of that, (This largely played into why PJ was breast fed until he was 2.5 but that's another topic.) I learned how to calorie load my child and make sure that he gets the nutrition he needs. lots of dairy and as much protein as I can get in him. (I know my kid is not the only nearly vegetarian child out there. Kids don't like to eat meat because it is so hard to chew. yada yada yada pediatric nutritionist wisdom. this was how I originally learned to not beat myself up over it when he doesnt eat every single thing I cook.
Last nights Sunday night dinner took a turn for the miserable. It was simple, I had made chicken on saturday inbetween my much needed neglected cleaning from the previous week. I made chicken stock and picked the bones, and made gravy all for the sake of Sunday night dinner. Chicken and dumplings. They were delicious. Can you think of a more kid friendly meal? He loves my chicken (usually) and it was delicious and flavorful soup. The dumplings were fluffy and soft and just the right amount of doughy. Honestly its a faily simple not surprising meal.
He said my dumplings looked like poop. And he said he no longer likes my cooking. It was worse than getting shot in the heart. We had guests. I lost it a reasonable amount but my anger was nothing compared to how heart broken it made me. (Which is probably somewhat guilty for the night that followed after he went to bed, Hello mommy's little helper #OneBadMother ).
Yet like the never giving up Mom that I am on a quest to have a healthy kid, who is open to eating things, I made dinner again tonight. Monday, it was boring and he ate some of it. Its frusterating. I guess the difference lies somewhere in this... When I cook a meal I dont expect him to like my feelings arent hurt. So why do I let myself get so badly bummed over a meal he should like but then doesnt eat.
Just for the record, I did make him Annie's microwave mac and cheese last night so he didnt starve (Thanks Annies) but it hurt no less. This is really just more thing on the pile. Moms out there, your doing a good job, if you know a Mom, make sure she knows it. If you know a parent make sure they know they are doing a good job. Were all trying, and when it really comes down to it all we really need is a little outside confirmation that people see that we are trying, that our efforts are recognized, that it isnt all for nothing.
And, now I need to go roll out green cookie dough so that tomorrow we can decorate zombie cookies. This is life, he is four, I do not blame him, but it makes it no less difficult sometimes.
So to myself I silently remind myself, that I am doing a good job. And if I'm not every given second, that is okay, because the fact that I am trying, and doing my best, means, I am doing a good job.
