"Mom I don't like anything you cook."

Kids can be total jerks. Don't get me wrong, little pajama is my main squeeze, but man does he ever drive me crazy. I mean this is normal he's 4.. right this is normal?
The thing is for last 6... 8 I don't even know how many weeks its been and him on Sundays. Which is great I love to have my Mommy and PJ time. Its also really hard. We have a third person living with us now, little pajamas soccer games were so expertly times that nothing was getting done around the house on Saturday's. Which hello you have Sunday and evenings to clean your house just relax on Saturday. Which is unfortumately what was happening, that and life is BUSY. I never realized how busy little lives are until I had my little PJ even from an early age. And of course it means that we get to spend time doing all of the wonderful things from my childhood that I love and miss. Pumpkin patch of course! (Good bye entire last Sunday (guess whose house didn't get cleaned!)) Weddings to go to. Life to live you know.

Thats the thing though through all that life that was being done living, I had managed to get a nice home cooked meal on my table for my family, every Sunday night. Now I'm not religious, so Sunday has nothing to do with that, but there's something cathartic about spending a few hours putting in real effort to make your family a nice meal. Better than the weeknight meals that get sloppily thrown together, but are still none the less home made if not to a lesser degree.

Little PJ is SMALL. He is almost 5 and I think he clocks in around 34lbs right now, hes all muscle and bone. He's healthy but after nearly 12 months of nutritionist visits and monthly weigh ins when he was younger it is ingrained my brain that is (almost) never a bad thing if this kid is recieving calories. And striving to be a good mother means I want to feed that kid, I want him to grow and catch up and be where he needs to be. Its not always as simple as all of that, (This largely played into why PJ was breast fed until he was 2.5 but that's another topic.) I learned how to calorie load my child and make sure that he gets the nutrition he needs. lots of dairy and as much protein as I can get in him. (I know my kid is not the only nearly vegetarian child out there. Kids don't like to eat meat because it is so hard to chew. yada yada yada pediatric nutritionist wisdom. this was how I originally learned to not beat myself up over it when he doesnt eat every single thing I cook.

Last nights Sunday night dinner took a turn for the miserable.  It was simple, I had made chicken on saturday inbetween my much needed neglected cleaning from the previous week. I made chicken stock and picked the bones, and made gravy all for the sake of Sunday night dinner. Chicken and dumplings. They were delicious. Can you think of a more kid friendly meal? He loves my chicken (usually) and it was delicious and flavorful soup. The dumplings were fluffy and soft and just the right amount of doughy. Honestly its a faily simple not surprising meal.

He said my dumplings looked like poop. And he said he no longer likes my cooking. It was worse than getting shot in the heart. We had guests. I lost it a reasonable amount but my anger was nothing compared to how heart broken it made me. (Which is probably somewhat guilty for the night that followed after he went to bed, Hello mommy's little helper #OneBadMother ).

Yet like the never giving up Mom that I am on a quest to have a healthy kid, who is open to eating things, I made dinner again tonight. Monday, it was boring and he ate some of it. Its frusterating. I guess the difference lies somewhere in this... When I cook a meal I dont expect him to like my feelings arent hurt. So why do I let myself get so badly bummed over a meal he should like but then doesnt eat.

Just for the record, I did make him Annie's microwave mac and cheese last night so he didnt starve (Thanks Annies) but it hurt no less. This is really just more thing on the pile. Moms out there, your doing a good job, if you know a Mom, make sure she knows it. If you know a parent make sure they know they are doing a good job. Were all trying, and when it really comes down to it all we really need is a little outside confirmation that people see that we are trying, that our efforts are recognized, that it isnt all for nothing.

And, now I need to go roll out green cookie dough so that tomorrow we can decorate zombie cookies. This is life, he is four, I do not blame him, but it makes it no less difficult sometimes.

So to myself I silently remind myself, that I am doing a good job. And if I'm not every given second, that is okay, because the fact that I am trying, and doing my best, means, I am doing a good job.

A Pre-Schooler's Drama

          Pre school. My little man has never been so proud of anything as he is about the fact that he goes to school. P loves to tell people about his school, and his blue back pack it has a monster on it. When you're 3 and 4, school is awesome. Of course he starts at 8:30 and only goes until 11:15. So three hours, 3 days a week. Little does he know they will only add the hours up over the years, but then maybe in college he can get a sweet schedule like that again. I don't remember much from pre-school. I remember laughter fun, recess, and the loft full of stuffed animals that was in the classroom. I've always tried to avoid drama, I suppose.
          P however is very dramatic and very serious. I'm sure I will post about what he is like while playing soccer soon, as soccer season just started again. His preschool operates with a drive thru system. It's pretty sweet, and I love it, so I pick him up, get a quick ear full from the teacher about the day and we head out on our way. I try to get some info from him about the day on the way home. we talk about snack, recess, and his friends during this time. It surprises me how little he wants to talk about the things he learned that day at school, or his friends. We always start with snack. At the beginning of 2014 on one such pick up his teacher informed me that he had become pretty close with a little girl. Each month at sing they sit next to each other as the class performs for their parents. Its quite cute. Earlier this month his little lady went on vacation, he asked if she would be back everyday I brought him until she was. At the end of the week she was back we had this conversation on the way to the boyfriends.
P: I really miss (little girl). *insert dramatic 4 year old sniffle here.*
Me: Well isn't she back from vacation you got to play with her just this morning right?
P: Yes, but I love her.
Me: Well don't you love me too, you get to spend the weekend with Mommy. (I walked right into the trap)
P: No, I only love her.

It pierced my heart and I couldn't help but envision the never ending amount of romantic doom, and broken hearts that will someday befall my sweet little, love sick man. It must be hard to be little. I mean there is SO much he has to learn about life, and love. Friends and enemies. There is only so much you can teach a child. As it turned out though maybe this little girl isn't quite the threat to my position as his main gal.

The following week at the end of the week I picked him up from school. The conversation went as such on the short drive home.
Me: Did you play with ___ today?
P: No we are not friends any more.
Me: Did you choose that? Are you sure you don't want to be friends with her anymore?
P: She was playing with someone else.
Me: Did you ask her to play with you today?
P: She didn't want to.

As it turns out they did play again, but I don't know where his heart lies. He talks about her less, she plays with the girls more, and he seems to be making a few new friends. I sing him the friendship song, but I doubt it makes much sense. I use to sing it in girl scouts but I'm not sure it made a lot of sense to me until I was older, and began to cultivating friendships, and realized that some while existent slip to the back burner. I just hope I can teach him to be patient with people, and that while one of his friends doesn't want to play with him one day, doesn't mean they don't want to on another day. I also hope he grows up more fearless than I was in my school age. Making friends was always hard, the simple going up to a classmate and asking if they wanted to play was never easy for me. I hope it is for him. I also hope he realizes he has enough capacity to love so that he cultivates more meaningful friendships through his life. Those are all lessons that he cant learn from school I guess. Just age an experience.

In other news, and another topic that is soon to come I am sure. I am about to be making the switch from mostly at home mom, to working mom. The transition has me feeling pretty nervous I know we will be okay though.

In other news and to come, are pictures of my little mans redone room which is nearly done. Some food for thought, Why can't picture books have thick enough spines in paperback version to be able to read the spine on a shelf. It is so frustrating!