Oh the Humanity

I mostly steer clear of hot button political issues. They aren't my thing, not for here anyways. This one I cant avoid, as a parent the emotions incidents of violence among youth have a greater effect on us. For some reason though my brain isn't going to be quiet until I get out my thoughts about this one. 

There was another school shooting today. About 20 mi from my home. I know people who live in the area, and knew people who went to that high school while I was in high school myself. This has little to do with the school or the timing, other than that these instances of school shootings, which many people describe as "sense less acts of violence" seem to be increasing. Its only been about 18 months since the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. Which I remember like yesterday, and there have been 74 shootings recorded in the United States. Clearly this is an issue. It is not something that as a parent I can ignore. My son goes to school with small children and maybe a total of 90 kids there at any given time between the ages of 3-5. The risk factor with his school is low, but I am about 18 months out from him hitting kindergarten and that scares the crap out of me. 

I never thought I would say this but if putting him a private school would gurantee he graduates from high school without a terrible act such as one of these occurring in his school, then it would be worth it. The scary thing is, it wouldn't be enough. We are less than a week out from the shooting at Seattle Pacific University as well. I am sad for everyone affected by all of the school shootings in history. The truth is though, we can't protect our children from this kind of violence. I know how hopeless that statement may seem to you, but I want to assure you, I do not mean it to be. 

I think the hope has to lie in that we have some control over our children, and what they have access to, but more importantly how they interpurt the world around them and interact with it. I do not want little Pajama living in fear because I placed him in a box. I do not want to deny him video games (he plays age appropriate ones), or any of the other things that some theorize may turn him violent. We NEED to teach our children COMPASSION, we need to teach them MORALS, we need to LISTEN to them even when they ARE NOT TALKING. We need to advocate for our kids, and teach them to be THEIR OWN BIGGEST ADVOCATE.  Just yesterday I put the little Pajama into time out because he was trying to kick the ball out of the dogs mouth. He genuinely didn't realize he could hurt the dog, and I watched him as he realized he could have, and I think he learned his lesson. That was the point, to teach him that the behavior was unacceptable and that it is not okay to cause harm to others. Shielding our children wont solve the problem. Talking to our children about gun safety can help, but even more helpful, we need to LOCK up our guns and not give children access to them without proper supervision for the right kinds of activities. I don not want Americans to lose their right to bear arms. I do want there to be stricter more stringent tests a person must pass to have the right to do so, if this stopped the deaths of children who had their entire lives ahead of them, then wouldn't it be worth it? Maybe I have to much faith in humanity, but conservatives and their attachments to their guns to protect themselves is not something I personally understand. Being able to protect yourself is one thing, but even better would be avoiding situations in which you feel you need to protect yourself.

Another thing I only just recently realized is that these shooters apparently often do this to find fame. To be remembered, how does that get skewed that badly in their minds. I am not sure how the media can solve this problem, but maybe some different tactics are in order. 

I'm confused as many others are. I'm sad like many others. And I am SCARED. Like many others, but I will wake up tomorrow and continue to the best I can to assure the world that I will not raise the sort of person who could ever commit an act like this. How? I'll make it up as I go along, but it will mostly involve me being there for them, teaching them whats right from wrong, and how to stand up for themselves. I will try and lift my children up above any negativity they may get from peers. I seize TEACHABLE moments. I will do all of this doing the one thing above all else may help, I will do it with LOVE. There just simply isnt enough of it in the world, and I will try and teach my children to put love out into the world. 

Now for a story about little Pajama. The evening that Sandy Hook happend I sat on the couch, and the news was on and I cried, quiet tears that steamed down my face without drawing attention. Pajama was only two at the time and he of course noticed. He reached his hand up to my tears on my cheek and looked horribly concerned. He had barely begun to talk in sentences. "Mama whats wrong?" He asked I could head the dread in his voice. I told him the best I could that a bad man had hurt many children, and I was very sad for the children and their families. I would like to think I taught him in that moment, rather than shielded him from the cruelty of the world. 

I dont know. I am sad, its late. Were all confused and I hope that this issue slows, no more school shootings. 

The Big Adjustment

Well this one has been coming. And is a good 3 weeks over due. I apologize it really has been an adjustment for everyone.

Recently (the last day of March) I got to make a big change in not only my life, but for the wearer of little pajamas as well (lately its been little bat man pajamas). After searching for close to a year for full time employment, I finally got a job. The awesome adult kind with regualr hours, a 401k and benefits. I suppose many Mom's have these things long before becoming a Mom, and many leave them behind to be a Mom. I applaud those women, also where does your husband work and will they hire mine (well okay so he's not my husband)?

I got to enjoy 4 years of most of my days being with him. I went to school for about 3.5 of those years, and I got to do some contract work from home, but it wasn't paying the bills. I've been pretty anxious to establish financial stability for me and the little man since day one, but I knew it was only ever going to be possible with a degree. I sacrificed the degree I wanted for the degree that made sense. The one that allowed me to move home, for us to have the support and shelter of his grandparents, and even more importantly that I would finish quickly and become employable. Don't get me wrong I think about going back, but after 6 years of higher education that only accumulated into a AAS and a certificate, I'm a bit burnt out. Not to mention the loans.

Ahh the bills, as far as adjustments go that one has been easy to make. Money is going into his college fund, paying off my loans, and being spent on fun things left and right, all while still managing to save up to be able to move out. Me and my boys! I really am impatient and terrified by the prospect, but I know its exciting. I know little pajama is too. (Were still warming up to the D word, but its been uttered a few times.)

The adjustment from essentially being a student mom to a work from home mom was fantastic. While being a student he did go to day care, which I dont regret, and I expect any future children will go a few days a week as well. The real point is I use to get to be home with him MOST of the time. Now for 45 hours a week plus commute time I am not with him, and leaves us little weekday time for all the things we love to do.

I miss him and I am missing out on a lot, but the fact remains, there is a huge stress taken out of my life by having a good stable, living wage income. I am lucky enough to work for a big, yet very family oriented company, and a small department within it so I am able to run off for long lunches for Pre school functions and things of that nature when the occasion arises. Over all though I am on the cusp of thriving as a well adjusted, fairly successful young adult and single Mom. Mind you this is largely my perception of the situation versus what my own situation was, but I am proud of where I have gotten and I know its the best thing for me and the little man even if it means less time for us.

Its been harder on him. Schedules are different, he gets drug around more by grandma and grandpa. He is picked up and dropped off now by Grandma at preschool. I miss knowing whats going on, but he does like to tell me. He rarely naps now, I miss napping with him, in our chair. The most relaxing thing in the world is to have a sleeping child curled in your lap. (Its also a good excuse to take a nap your self or read a book).

I guess most importantly though the real point is we are adjusting. Mommy is a bit more tired, and cranky, but he wakes up shortly after me most mornings. I hear him sit at the top of the stairs babbling to the cat until I open the door and take him back down stairs. This means he gets to watch Curious George on a regular basis (This wasn't a part of the morning line up previously because it was ending as we got down stairs.) Despite me being uttlerly exhausted (Its gotten a little better) were doing okay. I miss the time with him, but luckily he is getting to spend this time with his Granparents before we move out.

The part of my day though usually goes like this as I get home "So, how was work?" his sweet little voice meets my ears, and I tell him about what I did, and ask about pre school. I' mfinding that this adjustment like with many others is all about finding a balance, and making sure the time we do get to spend together is of the best quality. I know were both still getting use to things, but we've both come a long way in the last two months, and I know things will get even better. I am lucky to have such a well adjusted kid, who can handle change even better than I give him credit for

This gem is from Memorial day, making the best out of our three day weekend, even though we were stuck in the car part of the afternoon. Sometime I will have to write about Tiger. Yes that's its name.